My Salvation
by jtjaforever
Summary: Ep filler for Conversion.


Ep filler - Conversion. Wondered how John reacted & his thoughts after waking up in the infirmary. This is my POV. Hope you like.

Don't own them. Wish I did.

I wake up in the infirmary my head pounding, the lights hurt. I vaguely remember a mission Iratus bug egg hunt and a cure - a cure for me. I quickly raise my hands to see that the conversion has started to reverse. I sigh and say a prayer of thanks as a tear slips down my cheek wiping it away with the back of my now human hand when Beckett walks in.

"So, I see ya up. A bit of a headache?"

"Yeah" My mouth's dry - hard to talk. It feels as if I've had a band wrapped around my throat.

"That last dose of the neural inhibitor was pretty massive, but we hoped that you would consider the risk worth taking."

"Be a bug or monster migraine? I'll take the migraine. Thanks Doc."

Beckett reaches over and takes a small glass with a straw from the bedside table.

"Take a sip or two. Not too much and slowly. I don't want you to choke."

I do as he instructs. The water tastes better than anything I can imagine.

"Ronan shot me - again?"

"Aye lad saved your life".

"I'll have to thank him later. What happened? I'm still a little foggy with details."

Beckett sits down on a chair next to my bed. "Well, you were in the last stage of the conversion when I realized that you were the solution to your own problem. Your sweat glands were producing the Iratus bug pheromones. The bugs would allow you near their nest to harvest the eggs we needed. I had to give you the massive dose of the inhibitor so you could get it done. I had to make a choice, we had to make a choice, Elizabeth and I. We figured ya be willing to risk the chance of the inhibitor killing ya than giving up this last chance at a cure."

"Well, you were on the money about that one." I wearily rub my eyes. "How long will it take? You know for me to be...me, again?"

Beckett stands, places his hand on my shoulder in a reassuring way.

"A few more days - we're not really sure. But, you'll be here for awhile lad until we're sure your DNA panel comes back clean."

"Well believe this or not Doc for a change you get no argument from me."

Beckett fakes mock surprise. "I'll have to note this day on my calendar for posterity." I just roll my eyes at him.

"Let me have the nurse bring you something to help you rest. It will also help you with the headache. We'll talk some more in the morning."

"Thanks again, Carson."

"My pleasure".

After a while the nurse comes and gives me a shot. It does help and I can feel myself drift off into sleep.

I dream.

I see faces, there are voices. Talking to me. Some shouting. My mind is foggy - hard to think - to focus. Then one voice stands out. Strong, yet gentle - laced with concern and something else. I walk down the stairs, the urge to attack anything than stands in my way - an urge I had fought without success.

"Colonel, don't make me do this!"

It's Teyla. I move forward again, but now hesitate. I didn't with the guards. I can see even with these eyes that are no longer truly mine that her face is laced with fear. Not fear of me, but for me. She doesn't want to hurt me, but she knows if I leave there is no hope. And in her eyes and her voice that is what rings clear - hope. She fires a warning shot at my feet. I stop my advance.

"Please", she pleads. Then I know what I must do, the urge hits me hard to attack and I fight to maintain control, even as I move toward her. More shots are rained at my feet as I turn and run. I run from her - to protect her. My instinct says to the gate. I have to get to the gate. I can hear her running after me and feel a shock as I pass out.

I wake up breathing hard. I look around to make sure where I am. I raise my hand again and look down at my chest and sigh in relief. Still part bug, but becoming more me - more John Sheppard.

The nurse stops in. Takes my blood pressure, temperature. Gives me a sip of water and encourages me to try to sleep. I thank her and say I'll try. But I don't want to sleep. I don't want to see what I was - what I could have become.

Despite my best efforts the drugs win and I drift back off to sleep. The images and voices come again. My head hurts. Beckett and Elizabeth are standing over me and talking about a mission. Somewhere in the less foggy parts of my brain I understand what it is they need me to do. What I must do if I am to survive this nightmare.

I walk to the puddle jumper in a cloak with a hugh hood. I hold my head down so those I may pass in the city will not be frighten by me, by the monster I am becoming. As I enter the gate room my team is there. Rodney starts to say something and then stops. I don't really care, it doesn't seem important. Then I see her - her eyes full of hope. A slow smile of recognition crosses her lips. She sees not the monster I've become but the man that I was. I hold my head high and walk a little straighter as I follow her toward the jumper.

We stand in front of the entrance of a cave. Beckett is saying something to me. Something about eggs and to get enough. He hands me a container and I absently look at it. I try hard to focus on what it is he wants me to do. What it is he is saying, but the fog starts to get thick again. I walk toward the cave and she's in front of me, Teyla. Her eyes full of concern and pain...pain for me.

"Colonel, it took us a little longer to get here than we would have liked. You must hurry."

Her voice reaches into the fog and pulls me back for a moment and I move forward with purpose. I reach the nest and look around. It's strange but I feel this is where I should be, not out there...not with them. But, I hear her voice urging me, so I throw off the cloak and tuck the container into my vest. I jump and plunge the container deep within the cocoon, working on the sound of her voice repeating over and over again.

"You must hurry"

The fog starts to block it out, I jump down and try to put the lid back on the jar, but my head hurts. Sharp pain, the fog getting thicker, her voice becoming fainter.

"You must hurry"

So, I run. I run to her, to the voice that is fading into the distance. If she leaves me I have no chance, my salvation is lost. I scream in blind desperation. I hit something then there is a shot of pain and darkness.

I wake up again breathing hard, but a little less disoriented.

Teyla.

She had been my salvation. Her voice, her calm presence, her unrelenting sense of hope had pulled me though the fog until there was light.

I close my eyes and I see her. Her smile. A smile that can make my heart quake, my knees weak.

Then there is a new sensation. A taste. On my lips. My tongue. Like honey and spice. It tastes good and I want more. I try to remember what this is linked to and then it comes to me. It's Teyla I'm tasting. What I had imagined was not near as good as the reality.

I groan at the memory not just because of the feelings of arousal I now feel, but because of shame. I remember pushing her against a wall. Her expression a bit surprised then she recovers, try to be diplomatic. Then I act pure instinct. Pure heat. I grab her, forcing her mouth open with my tongue tasting deeply. She tries to push me away but I grab her by the shoulders until I've had my full then pull away as suddenly as I started.

"Colonel, I..." She's stuttering. Teyla Emmergan at a lost for words and I'm the cause. Then I realize as the heat passes that something isn't right. It doesn't feel right.

"Are you okay?" Beckett calls over the comms. He needs me in the infirmary.

"I am fine. Dr. Beckett will be expecting you."

It's not true. I can tell it, feel it. I look her up and down as if seeing her with new eyes. She seems uncomfortable by my appraisal.

"Yeah", without much more to say I leave.

Somehow, someway I have to make it up to her. I owe her so much. I owe her my life. She was my salvation. Something inside now tells me she always will be. But first I must heal. This time when I drift off to sleep when I dream it is of Teyla's smile and I know I will be okay.

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Please review. If you like I have more. Thanks


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